Flying High With Legendary Air Hostess Pam Ann
By David Duran
For those attending the now mostly sold out shows down under on this new tour, what’s to be expected?
They can expect lots of new videos. I am so excited to be showing those. It feels a bit different with the energy of the videos. The shows are very tailored to each city. Oh, this is the first year with an interval. I never had those before because getting gays out and back within 15 minutes is impossible. But now, with Grindr, I figure they can look up guys during the first half, hook up during interval and break up by the end of the second act. Oh, the show has got cute boys for the boys when they are sick of seeing my fat ass. There are lots of costume changes and glitter cannons and dancing. What more could a gay want?
Ok, so I have to ask, what are some of your horror stories with US airline carriers?
My worst airline experience was on an AirTran flight from LaGuardia to Milwaukee, home of Jeffrey Dahmer. I was doing a show with Salt n' Pepa, as well as Monique for gay pride. Imagine me and Salt n' Pepa on an AirTran flight. I was on this flight and surrounded by bare feet and 300 pound women. Did you look in the mirror today, ma’am? I also hated being dragged out on the tarmac with no wheels. The screeching noise was awful.
I’m still trying to get the image of Milwaukee Pride out of my head.
And then there was this one time when I was in Cancun on a US Airways flight and something was wrong with the wing. I’m not racist, but you know how Mexicans are packed in the back of a truck sometimes? Well, one of those trucks came up to fix the wing and I was questioning why we weren’t being taken to the airplane hanger. We got off the plane and I never got back on that one.
What about the best airline in the US?
I love JetBlue. Good service, branding, and value. Gosh, you’d think I was a paid spokesperson. The crew is always so excited and happy to be on the PA. JetBlue is just good value for what you get… and all the seats with the televisions too. On the other hand, Delta still uses their museum pieces. When I get on and see an ashtray, I smoke. They need to update their fleet and crew. When you fly with them, one of the crew usually dies. “We lost one”, but that’s normal for them.
You are headed to L.A. next and then New Zealand to begin your tour. What airline are you flying?
I’m flying Virgin America to L.A. this week. It’s like arriving to a fuck club. It’s sunny outside and all dark and club like inside. Afterwards I have to fly Air New Zealand. That audience will have a lot to answer to regarding the Air New Zealand uniforms.
And what’s with the new app? I downloaded it, and it’s fun!
Oh, be sure to alert the gays that I have a new free app for your phone and iPad. If they are bored at the airport or Mardi Gras, they can whip the app out. There are videos and oh, there’s a chat on there so they can chat with each other during my shows.
I know you have to run off and get your hair done before taking off. Any last minute Mardi Gras tips?
I’ve done the floats and parade before. I crashed one once. This year I will just be watching, but here’s a tip if you want in: If you want to get in the parade, dress up like an airhostess and tell security you are with the gayviation float. That is a guaranteed entrance.
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