How to Have Great Gay Sex in the Great Outdoors.
Like many of a certain generation, my introduction to outdoor anal sex came in the infamous rape scene in the 1972 classic movie Deliverance. And while Ned Beatty’s character squealed like a pig and most definitely did not have an enjoyable experience getting mounted in the wild, there’s no reason why you can’t have fun doing the dirty with your boyfriend or partner in the great outdoors.
Public campgrounds provide little privacy for intimacy, but going off-grid a mile or more into the backcountry opens a world of possibilities for sex in a scenic setting. You can try a simple day trip, but overnight camping provides the best opportunity to fully appreciate the experience.
Whether you choose to go for a day or overnight, though, here are 15 simple tips to make your outdoor sex more successful and orgasmic with as little fuss, mess, and consequences as possible.
1. Check all relevant laws and regulations.
While it is not technically illegal to have sex in a U.S. National Forest, it is against the rules to cause “public inconvenience, annoyance, or alarm by making unreasonable loud noises” (261.4d). We are also pretty sure it is illegal to have sex out in the open in a public campground. Simply hiking a few miles from civilization and prying campground neighbors can prevent intrusions or complaints.
2. Be in good physical condition.
Hiking and backpacking can be a grueling experience for the uninitiated and the unprepared, especially at higher elevations. You want to be relaxed and in good spirits for outdoor sex, so being exhausted is not the way to start your session. Upping your cardio regimen and squat reps before you head outdoors is a good way to ensure a more pleasurable exerience.
3. Check the weather.
Don’t take chances with Mother Nature. Rain can be annoying, but my biggest concerns are always lightning and wind. Both can turn a fun hiking, camping, or backcountry sex excursion into a life-threatening situation.
4. Mind the elevation.
The higher you go, the less oxygen your body absorbs with each breath. Many hikers have compared trying to catch your breath at higher elevations to running while breathing through a straw, and the analogy is a good one. Be especially wary of lightheadedness and other symptoms of altitude sickness (most notably headaches and nausea) when you’re at elevations above 8,000 feet. If you find yourself unable to catch your breath while hiking or during sex, don’t hyperventilate by taking a succession of rapid breaths. Instead, take a deep breath and try to hold it for a few seconds before exhaling. Take frequent breaks and mind your inner voice, even during sex, if it says you need to rest. Also, I’d strongly recommend leaving the poppers behind.
5. Pick the right place.
Generally speaking, you’ll want to find a spot away from the trail and one that minimizes the chances of being happened upon by other backpackers and hikers. When choosing a backcountry campsite, look for a patch of space that is relatively flat and clear of debris like rocks and twigs. Try not to camp under trees, as they may lose branches or pinecones, and can serve as lightning rods in a storm. This same criterion also applies to choosing a site to have sex. You’ll also want to be close to a water source or at least have several liters of water with you, as you’ll consume far more water during and after sex than you would normally. And finally, beware of poisonous plants like poison ivy or poison oak.
6. Choose the right time.
Daytime is usually ideal for weather and temps, but you run a highter risk of being interrupted by other hikers. It’s also important to remember that the harmful effects of the sun are more prevalent at higher altitudes, so you might need a shaded spot depending upon the conditions. No one wants a sunburn where the sun don't shine. Nighttime provides more privacy, but temperatures are colder (especially at higher elevations).
7. Decide to tent or not to tent.
The idea of being naked with your lover amid a bed of wildflowers in a backcountry meadow or forest can be appealing, but it also brings with it plenty of potential drawbacks. Being in a tent eliminates issues with bugs and sunburn, but backpacking tents are notoriously small (most two-person tents have the same footprint as a twin-sized bed, for example) and rarely provide more than four feet of headroom. Doggy-style might be possible in some backpacking tents, but you’ll mostly be relegated to horizontal positions. If you want to see the great outdoors while having sex in a tent, simply take off the rainfly. Of course, the best way to find out whether you prefer to have sex inside or outside your tent is to try it both ways.
8. Leave the sleeping bags out of it.
Regardless of whether you have sex inside or outside a tent, don’t use a sleeping bag. Sleeping bags are for sleeping, and the last thing you want to do is sleep in a slime of lube and bodily fluids. I strongly recommend bringing along a lightweight sheet or beach towel rather than ruining your bag with a permanent sex stain. Towels work better than sheets when outside a tent, as they tend to be thicker and provide a better base.
9. Light it up?
If you plan on having sex at night in a tent, you’ll need to decide if you want to be able to see your partner or whether you want to do it in the dark. I personally prefer using a light, but this runs the risk of being observed in silhouette by those outside the tent. The easiest way to solve this problem is to choose the right site away from other folks.
10. Use protection.
If you do decide to go fully outdoors for your lovemaking session, don’t forget the sunscreen and bug spray. While you may only be naked and outdoors for under 30 minutes, you’ll be exposing previously covered skin to the sun. Skin burns more quickly from the sun at higher elevations, so even a quickie can leave your private parts with serious burns before you know it. While a typical sunburn can be more annoying than painful, hiking with a sunburned butt or balls is something you’ll want to avoid on the return hike. You’ll also need to deal with bugs if you have sex outside your tent, especially if you are near water. If you’re not a fan of Deet, you can try newer bug lotions using lemon and eucalyptus. When it comes to ants and outdoor sex, though, the only solution I’ve found is to move the party into the tent. Finally, bring along a bear horn or bear spray if you are in bear country.
11. Plan for cleanliness.
Good hygiene prior to anal sex requires some pre-planning long before you hit the trailhead. If you don’t mind the extra weight, you can take along your favorite enema bag. However, be sure to filter or boil all water before using, just like you would with any potential drinking water from an outdoor source. If it's not safe to drink, it's not safe to douche. You can also bring along Fleet saline douches and glycerin suppositories. It’s also important to keep in mind what you eat in the 12 hours before you plan on having sex. Soups and other light meals or snacks are far more conducive to a successful round of bottoming in the great outdoors than a freeze-dried envelope of chili mac or something similarly spicy or bulky.
12. Postcoital clean up.
While you can eliminate the need to clean up after oral sex by simply swallowing (spitters are still quitters in the backcountry, after all), anal sex requires more extensive cleanup regardless of the setting. The best option I’ve found for cleaning up after outdoor sex is a combination of moistened wipes and toilet paper. While you can use basic wipes found in your local grocery store, my personal faves are Dude Wipes and Shower Wipes, both of which come in single packets. After expelling the gook, a couple of good swipes with a wipe (or three) followed by patting dry with a few sheets of toilet paper is the way to go. This works for both tops and bottoms. Keep in mind that silicone lube is especially persistent, and even multiple wipes might not get every last drop of the oily substance off your body. Also, look for wipes that contain aloe to help prevent chafing and irritation to the skin.
13. Take only what you need. And bag it.
Backpacking places a premium on weight and organization, and liquids weigh a lot. Keep in mind that one liter of liquid, for example, weighs over two pounds so leave that gallon jug of lube behind. Leakage is also a big problem, especially at higher elevations. Look for small tubes of lube with a screw top rather than those with a flip top, and bring along extras just in case. Keep your lube in at least one plastic zip lock bag, although I prefer using two plastic bags just to be safe. Keep all items needed for sex (e.g. towel, lube, douches, sex toys, etc.) in a separate bag. It’s important to stay organized when backpacking, and sex items can get notoriously messy (and smelly) in the backcountry. Trust me, it’s best to keep these items separate from the rest of your gear and clothing.
14. Leave no trace, take only pictures.
Every person who ventures into the great outdoors is automatically a steward of the environment. Don’t take these responsibilities lightly. While you can bury your poop in most places, you should always carry a detritus bag to pack out toilet paper and wipes. Even products that claim to be biodegradable should be carried out and deposited in an appropriate waste receptacle when back in civilization. Also, some of the best and most memorable pics I’ve taken on my many backpacking trips are the ones that will never be seen by others.
15. Embrace the Call of the Wild.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been criticized for obsessing about finding the perfect campsite. However, if you choose the right site that’s far away enough from others, you can finally let go like you’re sexing it up in a soundproof room. Feel free to vocalize without fear of someone banging on the wall telling you to keep it quiet. It’s a liberating experience knowing you are the only folks within a few miles, so make Jack London proud and let loose with your own call of the wild.
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