FROM THE JANUARY/FEBRUARY 2005 ISSUE OF THE OUT TRAVELER
By Michael Yawney
January 21-February 19 No names, no itineraries. The urge to shake off your comfortable identity in search of adventure can lead to a wander through Mexico in March. The real adventure will not happen until after the 21st,
when sissy fear mellows into adult caution.
February 20-March 20 It is high school all over again in April when embarrassing scenes make you feel like a limp-wristed stereotype. Running away to Rio may not be mature, but it is fun. If you start feeling like an ugly American, you can always run back home.
March 21-April 20 If you insist on living in the past, at least do it somewhere fabulous like the ruins in Tunis. Get moving now, or someone is going to forcibly drag you out of the house by April. Better set your own itinerary before that happens.
April 21-May 21 A few extra pounds this March are inevitable. So avoid bitchy comments from the queens and enjoy the extra calories by gorging on Italian pastries--in Milan where the strangers are tall, dark, and handsome.
May 22-June 21 There is more to traveling cheaply than letting foreigners buy your drinks. In April your research and savvy combine proving that a trip to Monaco, Nepal, or Senegal can be inexpensive without being second-class. Maybe you should write for a Damron or Spartacus guide.
June 22-July 22 Culebra? Guanica? San Juan? Self-doubt turns you into a shrinking femme leaving destination decisions to some bossy butch. The inner confusion lifts at the end of March when you become the world's leading authority on everything and anything. Glory in it.
July 23-August 23 Expecting a lover to pull you out of the doldrums is one sure way to cripple the relationship. Gallery hopping in Taos provides the same uplift and will not hog the covers. But get back by the end of March when workplace flirting gets intense.
August 24-September 23 Going alone does not ensure spontaneity. In truth, a set schedule and companionship frees you from logistics that get in the way of serendipity. Book a French lesbian package for April and watch the group-tour phobia dissolve.
September 24-October 23 A vacation will not just happen to you. Action is needed, so all the overthinking must stop. Early March is best for riding with hot dykes in New York, because by the end of the month you will be overthinking your next career move.
October 24-November 22 Home has become your vital center, so you are more interested in seeing how people live in other cultures than visiting tourist traps. March's domestic-diva projects will keep you stuck in the nest, but that leaves all of February and April to visit Kyoto.
November 23-December 21 Stop putting out fires at home when you could start them in Madagascar. Getting squishy thousands of miles away could make love fun again, since everyone will know it is just a fling. Expect a sexual shift around March 21.
December 22-January 20 Why waste time at Six Flags Great Adventure when your heart cries out for Cherry Grove? You spend enough time in the straight world. If you want a flamingly queer vacation, go for it. After late March it gets easier to tell the hets to buzz off.