FALL 2004 TRAVELSCOPES

FROM THE FALL 2004 ISSUE OF THE OUT TRAVELER

By Michael Yawney


ARIES
March 21-April 20 Late-summer journeys refresh the soul but leave the body exhausted. Better wait till September, when a between-the-sheets workout on the Yucatán revives you spiritually and physically. That cutie arouses fantasies of marriage, but hold off on the proposal until you learn each other's last name.

TAURUS
April 21-May 21 Burn the energy off before it burns you up! This autumn too much fire turns you into a social October surprise. The usual gang cannot keep up, nor do they want to. Save your friendships by enjoying Halloween in St. Kitts or any place where boys can be boys.

GEMINI
May 22-June 21 Fabulousness costs, so being a dull homebody in August brings financial savings. But not much interest will accrue, since October finds wanderlust and regular lust combining in a way that can be satisfied only by an Olivia cruise. Remember: Less attitude means more love--even in international waters.

CANCER
June 22-July 22 Changing one's mind is a queen's prerogative, so do not be afraid of altering the itinerary after landing in France if Marseille looks hipper than Cannes. Leave soon, since getting out of the house is hard after September 25. It is even harder after October 25, when knucklehead tries to leach your travel savings.

LEO
July 23-August 23 Your inner drag king comes out in early August, flashing the assets to impress the babes. That strategy gets retired the last week in September as dollars get tighter. The silver lining is that just being yourself--on those quickie October weekend jaunts to girl-girl watering holes like Provincetown--impresses them even more.

VIRGO
August 24-September 23 Use a civilized vacation (perhaps visiting the Gaudis in Barcelona) to get away from hometown chaos. Playing sugar daddy to the Catalans in early October only turns them off. To turn them on, hit the gym, since the holiday fat is creeping in a few months early. Body always trumps cash.

LIBRA
September 24-October 23 Someone else is in the driver's seat, but after August 31 you at least recognize the chauffeur. Even fantasies feel as if someone else wrote them--until you reimagine them at the end of October. That is the time to hop in the invisible plane and seek out your sisters on Paradise Island.

SCORPIO
October 24-November 22 Early Don't think of it as a group tour; instead, think of it as a travel orgy. Any September trip with a queer crowd will be an explosive camp extravaganza. Share a giggle as you cruise down the Rhine now, since October will see your interests turn to serious matters.

SAGITTARIUS
November 23-December 21 The strength you show in August wins respect, but you're still sleeping alone. So by mid October it's off to big, bad Berlin to show how big and bad you can be. You will graciously endure extra-heavy butch/femme role play, since this is about quantity more than quality.

CAPRICORN
December 22-January 20 Much as you enjoy solo planning sessions, getting assistance with the itinerary in early August will make a physical relationship turn meaningful. Caracas is much more fun with a buddy along, so it would be ungrateful to utter the words "rent boy" even if you get stuck with the bill in late October.

AQUARIUS
January 21-February 19 Come October you cannot go far enough, fast enough. Even straight places turn gay when you show up, so visiting Moscow sounds just right. Take your travel first aid kit and get enough sleep, since even minor illness will spoil the fun--and you are susceptible this autumn.

PISCES
February 20-March 20 Mosquitoes and homophobes make for an unromantic August. Excitement returns in late September as you enjoy the chill of autumn in New York. At that point your own passive-aggressiveness is the only obstacle to sex in the city. Fortunately, that problem is easily remedied by a few cosmopolitans.