BREAKING: Indiana Signs on to Host Gay Games 2020

In a stunning announcement today, considering the passage of the state’s discriminatory Religious Freedom Restoration Act, last week, Indiana has won a last minute bid to host the 2020 Gay Games. The bill was signed into law last week by Indiana Governor Mike Pence, and effectively gave businesses the right to discriminate against LGBT customers by citing conflicts with their religious beliefs.

“This is our mea culpa,” stated Governor Mike Pence at the announcement press conference. “It seems everyone except my advisors and me realized what a shit show passing this legislation would turn out to be. We hope hosting the Gay Games - which we guess includes events like hair dressing, back alley cruising and prancing around - will go a long way to show how much Indiana loves the fruitcakes.”

“What really spoke to us and proved how much Indiana really wanted to make a bold gesture to heal,” said Fritz Marmalade III, the head of the Gay Games selection committee. “Was the complete thoughtfulness they made getting many of our former adversaries to participate."

Scheduled to appear, based on the proposal, are Ann Coulter, performing a duet with Elton John during the opening ceremony while Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia ascends to light the torch.

“Of course, we may have a problem,” suggested Gov. Pence as he closed his speech. “If the stadium owners are bigots and won’t allow any homosexuals to attend.”