5 THINGS I LEARNED ON MY CURACAO VACATION

Story and Photos by Dennis Hensley

I recently returned from 5 days on the Caribbean island of Curacao, a destination that's plenty gay-friendly and full of surprises. Here are five things I learned on my trip that I didn't know before.

          1) CURACAO DON'T CARE ABOUT MY FRAPPUCINO HABIT

Unlike its neighbor, the more party-down, Spring Break-y Aruba, Curacao has no Starbucks franchises to speak of. None. Zero. Which is fine. Really. It's not like I'm addicted or anything. I can go a few days without my Venti Skinny Vanilla Latte.

It wasn't easy, I'll admit, but I managed to keep myself distracted with some great meals at some great restaurants, all of which happened to be right on the water, like Gouverneur De Rouville, Bistro le Clochard, Scampi's, La Bahia Seafood and Steakhouse, The Kura Hulanda Lodge and Beach Club  and the Lion's Dive and Beach Resort.

        2) THEY SPEAK SHALOM IN CURACAO

Did you know that Curacao has a rich Jewish history and a thriving Jewish community? I didn't until I visited the Synagogue Mikve Israel-Emanuel. Built in 1651 by Sephardic settlers who came to the island so they could enjoy religious freedom, the structure is the oldest continued-use synagogue in the Western Hemisphere. Imagine a beautiful house of worship with a pipe organ and ornate chandeliers…then pan down to discover a floor made of sand.

My guide, Eveline, said there were several reasons for the this. The one I remember is the early Jewish settlers were so used to having to worship in secret so that they thought convening on sand was safer to do than creaky wooden floors. Also on the property is a Jewish Cultural Historical Museum, where I saw a Koran written on deerskin that dated back to 1320.

        3) I LIKE THE WAY THE DUTCH THINK

While taking a walking tour of the island's main town, Willemstad, Eveline showed our group a living Wyaka tree with a gender-bending human form carved into it by a local artist named Mac Alberto. The form had a heart where its head should be, the torso of a male underwear model and down below? Well... While showing us this, Eveline explained that there's a very common saying in Holland: "A dirty mind is a joy forever."

I nearly wept. Isn't that an amazing thing for a country to believe? That's so much better than "In God We Trust." Speaking of cheekiness, she also told us that the town's famous moving pontoon bridge, the Queen Emma, is nicknamed "the Swinging Old Lady." Funny enough, that's actually what Clay Aiken calls his baby mama.

        4) THE LADIES RULE THE LAND

I met two wonderful surrogate mom types on my journey to Curacao, both of whom are welcome to adopt me. Dinah Veeris is researcher and author who, in 1991, opened Dinah's Botanic and Herb Garden on the east side of the island. She has an herb for anything that ails you, from liver problems to poor digestion to impotence. After a tour of the gardens, I picked up a bottle of her rose-scented love potion and she showed me how to apply it; first, to my belly, then to my heart, then to my third eye, then back to my belly. The guys should be beating down my door any second.

Then there's Nena Sanchez, a local painter who has two galleries and gift shops on the island and has also created a mural in downtown Willemstad. Nena is also a former Miss Curacao and of course, I couldn't resist asking her about her pageant days. She told me she took part in the first Miss Universe pageant to be televised in color-which seems to be a recurring theme with her, as her work is nothing if not colorful.  "I may not have won miss Universe," she told me, "but I was voted Miss Congeniality." It's easy to see why. What a charmer. I'd have voted for her, too.

        5) I HAVE A NEED FOR SPEED

For a pure adrenalin rush, the highlight of the trip was an All-Terrain-Vehicle outing I took courtesy of Erik's ATV Adventures. I started out a little tentative. I wasn't use to having so much horsepower between my legs. But as we zoomed around the island, stopping at an Ostrich farm and a bat cave, I became one with my machine started channeling my inner Hell's Angel, whose I've named Mean Hank, I don't know why. It was very 2 Fast 2 Furious and, like the rest of my trip, 2 Good Be 4 Gotten.